Some shit that made me giggle when I read it

This is a compilation of some really funny shit overheard by random people in New York City. Makes me think a visit would be SO fun.



a middle-aged, not badly-dressed man in jeans and a polo emerges from an alleyway wearing a sunhat with large fake flowers sprouting from it and says to my mom and me walking by, "So, I'm thinking of becoming a lesbian."



13-year-old girl on phone: That's right, I lost my virginity...looks like someone owes me a soda.



Guy #1: ...and he just kept chewing and chewing. Man, I felt so bad.

Guy #2: Dude, why did you give a Twizzler to a giraffe?



Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?

Teen girl #2: It wasn't bad. I couldn't shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.



NJ mom on cell with son #1: Anthony! Anthony, It's Mamma. Stop crying right now. It's okay, honey. It's going to stop hurting in two minutes. Jesus, with the sobbing already! Put your brother on.NJ mom on cell with son #2: I want you to stop doing that thing to your brother. If you make him cry again I'm going to make you cry. Do you hear me? Don't play stupid with me. I get enough of that from it your father. What? Put him on... Stop laughing... Put Daddy on the phone or so help me Jesus...NJ mom on phone with the father : Jerkoff, what the fuck is going on over there? I leave the house for five goddamm minutes and you are all flicking each other's balls again... Stop fucking laughing. You are going to make them retarded or gay or something!

Mother with little girl: Excuse me. My daughter wants to know if you're a pirate.
Woman wearing bandana: No. I'm just a lesbian.

Little girl, pointing to grab holds: Look, Dad, monkey bars!
Little boy: I wanna play on the pole! No, you can't too, this is my pole!
Dad: Bobby, everyone can play on the pole!
Little girl: Bobby, go back to your pole!
Little boy: Fine! Look, Dad, I'm a pole dancer!

Chick, screaming into cell: What a bitch! I swear, it's getting harder and harder to fuck your co-worker and get away without people finding out!

Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I'll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com