This is just a little list of things that seriously peeve me.
1. Thank you for telling me you can't tell I'm pregnant from the back. I think it's probably because there isn't a baby in my ass...but I'm sure you meant it as a compliment.
2. For the record, I only come to your house on holidays and eat your precocious food while you look pittyingly at me because my daughter eats WHITE bread and PEANUT BUTTER, instead of whole grain wraps and organic Almond butter because your shitty food comes in the BEST tupperware.
3. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see a big flashing light in the middle of EVERY god damn aisle at walmart that says "congregate here, discuss everything under the sun".
4. The fact that I am having a baby does not give you the right to touch me. Fuck off.
5. When my husband tells you we're expecting and you say "a baby?" with an obvious question mark at the end, I just want to smack you. No, I fucking stole a watermelon and we're expecting a puppy any day now.
6. If you are a complete stranger, I probably don't care what labor/delivery/pain managment was like for you. See the blank look on my face...that's how you know I don't care.
7. I also don't care about the retarded names your sisters named their many children...just so you know, strange lady in the bakery.
8. The person that lives accross from me is completely capable of mowing his own lawn, yet a senior does it for him. He also has had a shopping cart parked in his lawn all summer, and never uses it. WTF?
9. You know who really annoys me? People who don't even know you but throw you a dose of stink eye...just for existing.
10. Texting. Seriously. It's a PHONE. With a speaker. So you can HEAR what the person you are TALKING to is saying. You know what you're supposed to use to send typed messages? A computer. Why, why why is everyone texting, on a god damn telephone. Yesterday I was at the mall, and I noticed that 9 people out of ten were just wandering around with their eyes trained down, thumbs hovering anxiously over their phone typing out a message that no doubt would take four seconds to dial a number and say "ya I'll be there in a sec..."
11. This particular phone conversation really really really pissed me off:
Answering machine: this is bell canada calling to inform you about.....(there was an issue with my phone bill apparently. Due to financial difficulties I had been unable to pay for a couple bills the month before but was 99% possitive I was all caught up UNTIL this phone message)...please call 1-800 something or other as soon as possible.
Lee: fuck. So I call the number...and due to a high call volume am put on hold, but because of repeated messages, am assured that my call is important. Whatever
Bell: Some nearly unintelligible person tries to help me, I explain my message. they say "your bill is in arrears by (one months bill only) and would you like to pay for that right now by credit card?
Lee: you called me and kept me on hold for 20 minutes to tell me my bill was due YESTERDAY and you want me to pay be credit?
Bell: I'm sorry mam, but you called us.
Lee: that's because you called me and told me to!
Bell: We encourage you to ignore messages like that in the future.
Lee: expletive expletive expletive and so on and so forth.
Are you fucking kidding me? That was the most rediculous phone call I've ever had in my entire life. Does ANYONE at bell talk to anyone else? I think it's just a bunch of people who barely speak english sitting around a huge table picking phone numbers out of a hat saying "how can we really fuck with HER today?"
12. While we're on the subject, telemarketers really annoy me. Do NOT call me early in the morning. Do NOT call me at meal time. Do NOT call me the day before, the day of, or the day after a holiday. I seriously doubt that I have won a holiday anywhere...so if that's what you're calling to offer, don't bother. To be completely honest with you, I'm smart enough to get in my car and drive to any store...so if you have something to sell, I think I can probably buy it by myself thanks. If you're a TELEPHONE company calling me on my TELEPHONE, then it looks like I've already got service...And for donation companies...I understand there is a need for financial contributions from the community...but when I HAVE donated to you, you called me every week for years, kind of takes the joy out of giving. If your english is unintelegable, I probably don't know what you're offering so my answer is always going to be NO. And you know who I lump in with telemarketers? Direct energy. Ok, maybe to you I look stupid...but I am not going to sign a five year contract promising to pay a flat rate on my gas when it's high so that you can totally fuck me over when it's low. And now there's a new one out, Green Energy or something. I am also not going to agree to spend a rediculously high amount on my hydro bill because "smart meters" are coming out. And your "if we keep using energy at this rate, your beautiful daughter will be using a gas mask" doesn't impress me. Your fear tactics blow...and they make me more likely to throw my really mean cat at you than to listen to you any further.
13. When people park in the disabled parking spots because the don't want to walk in the heat/cold/rain and I watch my mother limp in. If you are the person that does this and a silver cavalier has completely blocked you in, that's me, you lazy bitch.
ok, maybe I'll add more later. ciao all
1. Thank you for telling me you can't tell I'm pregnant from the back. I think it's probably because there isn't a baby in my ass...but I'm sure you meant it as a compliment.
2. For the record, I only come to your house on holidays and eat your precocious food while you look pittyingly at me because my daughter eats WHITE bread and PEANUT BUTTER, instead of whole grain wraps and organic Almond butter because your shitty food comes in the BEST tupperware.
3. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see a big flashing light in the middle of EVERY god damn aisle at walmart that says "congregate here, discuss everything under the sun".
4. The fact that I am having a baby does not give you the right to touch me. Fuck off.
5. When my husband tells you we're expecting and you say "a baby?" with an obvious question mark at the end, I just want to smack you. No, I fucking stole a watermelon and we're expecting a puppy any day now.
6. If you are a complete stranger, I probably don't care what labor/delivery/pain managment was like for you. See the blank look on my face...that's how you know I don't care.
7. I also don't care about the retarded names your sisters named their many children...just so you know, strange lady in the bakery.
8. The person that lives accross from me is completely capable of mowing his own lawn, yet a senior does it for him. He also has had a shopping cart parked in his lawn all summer, and never uses it. WTF?
9. You know who really annoys me? People who don't even know you but throw you a dose of stink eye...just for existing.
10. Texting. Seriously. It's a PHONE. With a speaker. So you can HEAR what the person you are TALKING to is saying. You know what you're supposed to use to send typed messages? A computer. Why, why why is everyone texting, on a god damn telephone. Yesterday I was at the mall, and I noticed that 9 people out of ten were just wandering around with their eyes trained down, thumbs hovering anxiously over their phone typing out a message that no doubt would take four seconds to dial a number and say "ya I'll be there in a sec..."
11. This particular phone conversation really really really pissed me off:
Answering machine: this is bell canada calling to inform you about.....(there was an issue with my phone bill apparently. Due to financial difficulties I had been unable to pay for a couple bills the month before but was 99% possitive I was all caught up UNTIL this phone message)...please call 1-800 something or other as soon as possible.
Lee: fuck. So I call the number...and due to a high call volume am put on hold, but because of repeated messages, am assured that my call is important. Whatever
Bell: Some nearly unintelligible person tries to help me, I explain my message. they say "your bill is in arrears by (one months bill only) and would you like to pay for that right now by credit card?
Lee: you called me and kept me on hold for 20 minutes to tell me my bill was due YESTERDAY and you want me to pay be credit?
Bell: I'm sorry mam, but you called us.
Lee: that's because you called me and told me to!
Bell: We encourage you to ignore messages like that in the future.
Lee: expletive expletive expletive and so on and so forth.
Are you fucking kidding me? That was the most rediculous phone call I've ever had in my entire life. Does ANYONE at bell talk to anyone else? I think it's just a bunch of people who barely speak english sitting around a huge table picking phone numbers out of a hat saying "how can we really fuck with HER today?"
12. While we're on the subject, telemarketers really annoy me. Do NOT call me early in the morning. Do NOT call me at meal time. Do NOT call me the day before, the day of, or the day after a holiday. I seriously doubt that I have won a holiday anywhere...so if that's what you're calling to offer, don't bother. To be completely honest with you, I'm smart enough to get in my car and drive to any store...so if you have something to sell, I think I can probably buy it by myself thanks. If you're a TELEPHONE company calling me on my TELEPHONE, then it looks like I've already got service...And for donation companies...I understand there is a need for financial contributions from the community...but when I HAVE donated to you, you called me every week for years, kind of takes the joy out of giving. If your english is unintelegable, I probably don't know what you're offering so my answer is always going to be NO. And you know who I lump in with telemarketers? Direct energy. Ok, maybe to you I look stupid...but I am not going to sign a five year contract promising to pay a flat rate on my gas when it's high so that you can totally fuck me over when it's low. And now there's a new one out, Green Energy or something. I am also not going to agree to spend a rediculously high amount on my hydro bill because "smart meters" are coming out. And your "if we keep using energy at this rate, your beautiful daughter will be using a gas mask" doesn't impress me. Your fear tactics blow...and they make me more likely to throw my really mean cat at you than to listen to you any further.
13. When people park in the disabled parking spots because the don't want to walk in the heat/cold/rain and I watch my mother limp in. If you are the person that does this and a silver cavalier has completely blocked you in, that's me, you lazy bitch.
ok, maybe I'll add more later. ciao all
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