I just don't understand.

Given that I can no longer go for a walk, garden, take a bath without feeling like I am just sitting in a puddle, or get off the couch without having a huge hissy fit because the back of my lay-z-boy chair got stuck on the chair rail and I couldn't get out....I have had a lot of time to ponder. I have questions, and I wonder...

So the first major blank I came to is this: Who the *^#O cares about John Gosslin? Why does having six babies make you that important?. Ok wait, having one baby is a miracle, having six is a death sentence but a pretty amazing one. But he didn't even HAVE them. He provided swimmers. Who cares who he dates? Why are women swarming him? He's a thirtysomething dude, who still wears band shirts, left his wife and 8 children and immediately sailed off with someone new...and if the tabloids are correct...she's the daughter of the dude that gave his wife a tummy tuck. Who t f cares about him or his girlfriends (who seem to be two psychopaths fighting over a middleaged weirdo)...
It's not like I'm resurecting the whole "team jennifer/angelina" bullshit. I don't have a pink tshirt with "team kate" on it, and I am not hiding behind bushes waiting to jump the first man wearing a "team john" shirt, yell sexist pig and then hit him with something. I genuinely don't care about either one of them. She yelled incessantly, he whined constantly...they picked on eachother daily...at least half of their children were crying at any given moment. I just wonder...why do they matter so much.

My second wonder- cell phones. What is the deal with cell phones. I phones. Blackberry's. God knows what else. Mark and I both agree that having cell phones is probably a good idea. So we decide to get them. Do you have any freaking idea how hard it is to just get a phone? So off I go shopping. They ask me-do I want this one, it has a full querty keyboard (what is querty? and if it doesn't have a querty keyboard, what does it have?) and I say no, I don't want to send emails from my phone...or whatever. Do I want a walkie talkie? ok, that was like 1980...or something. I don't want old shit on my phone. I don't want morse code either...if that's an option. Do I want an mp3 player? no...I don't want a radio...or a tv...or anything else. I want a phone. Just a phone. With numbers...and a speaker so that I can hear a voice talking to me, and a mic that I can talk into. I would like my phone to ring...just ring. Not play the theme song to fraggle rock, or whinney the pooh...or anything else. Just ring. you know? ring ring...a PHONE. DO I want to text? no. Do they have just a phone? no. apparently there is no such thing as JUST a phone. sigh. what happened to us?

I feel like some really old geezer wheezing at the kids "when I was your age...we walked to school! Bare feet! In the snow! Uphill! Both ways! AND WE DIDN'T have a go-go-gadget phone!
But seriously. What DID happen? When did we stop using a phone to call eachother? When did we start needing a machine to do EVERYTHING for us? We can't read maps, we need GPS. We can't make a call...we need to text message. We can't hand our kids a quarter and tell them to call us when they need to be picked up...NOOOOOOOO, we need to hand them a phone, that isn't a phone...and then wonder why they're sending pictures of themselves naked to who knows who, who knows where....
our phones must be able to browse, receive email, and make a sandwitch. We must all turn into zombies and walk around public places with our heads down and our thumbs poised over our phones bashing into eachother. We must be connected. All the TIME. To everyone, everywhere. We must make it easy for everyone to reach us, and then we must pass that on to our teenaged sons and daughters, and make it easy for them to be reached...all the time. Three 16 year old girls do NOT need to walk down the street beside eachother, texting. Seriously people, we are going to evolve without voice boxes and very very strong thumbs.
I will admit, cell phones to give a measure of safety. I am all for providing my daughter with a phone, so that she can call 911 and say "some weird dude is following me, can I get some help?" She doesn't need all you can text/email/browse/or eat. Neither do I...chances are...neither do YOU. Our kids will probably need social skills though. I know some of you guys could use some too...
What are they going to do...grow up and get jobs and forget how to talk. How to communicate effectively. How to say anything without popping an lol or a rofl...or anything else at the end? WIll they grow up to be doctors and lawyers...and waitresses, and garbagemen...and be silent. And when pedophiles, and dealers...and really bad dudes reach out and touch our daughters and sons because technology makes it easy, then what? I just don't understand.
People call me old...at 27...or 28 or however old I am. I'm not old. I just don't say baaaaaaa. Sometime around the age of 19 or 20 I stopped trying to be cool...and get cool stuff. I don't want something because you have it. I don't want it because it's new. I don't want it because everyone else has it. I don't care if it's top of the line, or how much it costs, or all the shit it can do that I don't need.

that's that for now...I actually have a lot more to say...but my kid is hungry.